While volunteering as a tour guide at a local haunted house, Katarenna Pate saw a little girl who looked familiar. Who is that girl? I have seen her before. Then she looked up and saw the girl’s father. Katarenna recognized him as a young man she had arrested, and while he was sitting in the police station, he had shown her a photo of his little girl. The young man was struggling with addiction. Katarenna spent time listening to him and sharing how drugs and alcohol had impacted her family. She challenged him to clean up his life for his daughter’s sake.
The young man smiled at Katarenna. “Hello, Officer Pate. I told you I would make you proud someday,” he said, then he told her he had given up drugs, had gotten his license and a car, had landed a good job, and was expecting another child.
“These are the moments that make being a police officer worth it,” Katarenna told me in a recent interview. Katarenna had a rough upbringing, and this is her way of paying back.
Katarenna has vivid childhood memories of her alcoholic father sitting at the picnic table in the yard of her house in Ilion, New York, drinking day after day. She recalls frequent yelling and constant drama among family members—her parents, sisters, and grandfather, who lived in separate apartments in a multi-family house. Her grandmother, who lived in another apartment nearby, was also an alcoholic. Katarenna’s grandfather, with whom she had a special bond, had stopped drinking before she was born. She felt a deep loss when he passed away when she was only eleven.
In the absence of parental guidance, Katarenna turned to the neighborhood for support. She became best friends with her next-door neighbor, Amy. “Amy’s mother introduced me to God. She would take me to church and youth group activities,” Katarenna said.
But as a teenager, Katarenna started hanging out with a bad crowd, especially a boy who lived across the street. He influenced her to experiment with marijuana, and, at the age of fifteen, she discovered she was pregnant.
“I didn’t think I could get pregnant. I didn’t even get my period yet,” she said. But after feeling sick and having abdominal cramps, she went to the dollar store and bought a pregnancy test kit. She was shocked when it came back positive, so she took three more tests to be certain. She told her boyfriend, and they worked up the courage to tell Katarenna’s mother. Her mother made an appointment for Katarenna to see the doctor. The doctor gave her an ultrasound and told her she was three months along.
“I was told I would have to make a quick decision,” Katarenna said. “I was overwhelmed and didn’t want to have a baby, but I knew I didn’t want to have an abortion, either. When I decided to have the baby, my mother supported me,” Katarenna said.
Despite occasional stares and whispers, Katarenna remained in the tenth grade until she went into premature labor at 29 weeks. She was put in the hospital while the doctors attempted to stop the labor, but her son, Donte, was born three days later on February 26th. Katarenna was released from the hospital two days later, but Donte remained in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for a month. “My memories of that month are a blur,” Katarenna said. “I was going back and forth to the NICU to be with my son during visiting hours. I was pumping breast milk for him, and for a long time, I couldn’t even hold him.”
When Katarenna brought Donte home, she shared a room with him, and she was finally able to bond with him. Her adjustment to motherhood was not easy. Katarenna remembers thinking, “I’m not a kid anymore, but I am not an adult, either.” But as she held her tiny baby in her arms, something changed within her. The negative influences faded, and she knew she had to make good choices to take care of herself and her precious son. She felt God’s presence with her.
Katarenna was tutored until the end of tenth grade, and then she got her GED. Just after Donte’s first birthday, Katarenna broke up with her son’s father. He was getting into harder drugs, and his behavior was spiraling. When Donte was old enough for pre-school, Katarenna enrolled in Herkimer County Community College and earned an associate’s degree in business management.
She then got a good-paying job at Remington Arms, a local gun factory. “I was able to work the night shift, which was perfect for being a single mom. I tucked Donte in bed at night and went to work. I would come home in the morning, have breakfast with him, and put him on the school bus. I slept while he was at school and was available for him in the afternoon and evening.”
During this time, Katarenna started dating a really great guy, Paul Pate, who connected with her son. Paul later became her husband.
Also during this time, Katarenna went back to school and enrolled in a mortuary science program. Most of her work was done online, but she received hands-on experience by volunteering at different funeral homes in the area. Paul was a huge support to her as she juggled work, school, and parenting.
After completing three semesters of the program, Katarenna experienced the toughest time of her life—her older sister overdosed on heroin. Katarenna’s sister was ten years older than her, and, after being raised mostly in different homes, the girls had reconnected only six years earlier. Katerenna’s last memory of her sister was a fight they had, which centered around her sister’s drug use.
Katarenna knew her sister was meticulous about her hair and makeup, so Katarenna gave her one final gift. Though it was the hardest thing Katarenna had ever done, she did her sister’s hair and makeup herself for the calling hours and funeral.
Katarenna had one semester left to earn her degree in mortuary science, but after losing her sister, it was too hard. It hit too close to home, and Katarenna dropped out of the program.
Katarenna continued working at Remington Arms, but she felt a great loss. She had invested so much time and money into becoming a mortician, but she knew it wasn’t right for her. She didn’t want to do factory work forever, but what should she do?
Then a door opened for her. Remington Arms closed and offered to send displaced employees to school. “What have I always wanted to do?” Katarenna thought. She applied to the Police Academy, an intensive one-year program. She was accepted, and after a year of academics, active shooter and field training, she graduated and has worked as a police officer in local jurisdictions ever since.
“I will always regret I was not able to help my sister, but as a police officer, I can help others before it is too late,” she said.
Katarenna does not recommend following in her footsteps and getting pregnant as a teenager, but she wants to encourage anyone who finds themselves in that position. “Yes, it is hard, but you can do it. I had to be the best I could for my son. Don’t get caught up in how things are now—look forward to the future.”
Katarenna’s faith, stemming back to her childhood, helped her get through the hard times. She is especially encouraged by the Bible verse found in John 14:18, “I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you” (ESV).
Katarenna (green dress) with her son Donte (far left), her husband Paul (far right), her best friend Amy, and her family.
Bio: Katarenna lives in Little Falls, New York, with her husband, son, and dogs. She is a police officer in the village of Mohawk, New York, and a licensed realtor with River Hills Realty. She and her husband own Pate Properties LLC. Katarenna is still best friends with Amy, though Amy now lives in Virginia. Katarenna illustrated a children's book written by Amy. Their book, Scarlet Hoo is available on Amazon.
*Background image by Gerd Altman from Pixabay