If you’ve ever been in the position of having to rely on caregivers to take care of your loved ones, you understand what a gift it is to find self-sacrificing caregivers who are able to care for your loved ones with the same love and gentleness that you do.
I spent this past year coordinating the care of my mother as she was suffering from meningeal carcinomatosis, cancer of the lining of the brain, which resulted from metastasized breast cancer. My family and I are so grateful for the many caregivers who came alongside us during this challenging year. In this blog post, I will highlight a few of the exemplary caregivers who blessed us this past year.
My mother’s primary caregiver from hospice, Jeanie*, was the first one who convinced my strong, independent mother that it was okay to accept help for personal care. From that moment on, she was always my mother’s preferred hospice aide. She wasn't very tall, but she was strong in stature and character with skills and instincts polished through many years of service.
In late February, when my mother experienced sudden weakness, extreme pain, and a rash, Jeanie was the one who suggested that Mom might have shingles and notified the hospice nurse. She was also the one who was there when my mother took a turn for the worse and became bedridden. I watched with awe when she scooped my mother right up in her arms and tucked her into bed, something I wouldn’t have been able to do. And she was the one on duty when the angels came for my mother.
Lenni was my mother’s primary night aide. She was young and energetic, and Mom took to her immediately. When she would first get there in the evening, she would ask, “Can I get you anything, Miss Elizabeth?” which would make my mother smile. My mother would also smile at Lenni’s many hairstyles and at her brightly colored nails. Lenni treated Mom like she was her own grandmother and would always do what she could to keep her comfortable.
Robin came into our lives during an especially challenging time. I had hired out the night shift for my mother and was covering the rest of the hours myself. Due to the covid-19 ban, my other family members were not able to help me, and after a few weeks, I was exhausted. Robin was working for my mother’s friend in the building where my mother lived and agreed to work two mornings a week caring for my mother. Robin was warm and cheerful from the start. At the end of her shift, the apartment was spotless, the laundry was done, and she would have time to sit and have tea with my mother. My mother loved the attention she lavished on her.
Robin would also linger for a few minutes and chat with me. It was during those moments that I learned her story. Robin herself has had several major surgeries, and within eighteen months, she lost both her parents and one of her sisters. With all the pain in her own life, Robin maintains a positive attitude and a great sense of humor. She goes out of her way to offer empathy and compassion to all those around her.
Sharon came on the scene later in the year. Shortly after she was hired, she called out because she had to take her mother to the emergency room. Sadly, her mother passed away two weeks later. Sharon only took a few days off, but during that time my mother took a drastic change for the worse and became bedridden. I was worried about how Sharon would deal with caring for someone who was in the last stages of life after just losing her own mother.
“Don’t worry about me. This is what I love to do. It’s good for me,” she said as she readjusted my mother in her bed before leaving. Then she stayed a little longer as she patiently showed me how I could do it myself. As she worked, she told me her story.
Sharon was from Puerto Rico. She graduated from high school and earned her LPN before coming to the US. Her degree was not recognized in New York, so she worked as a caregiver for lower pay for several years as she started her family. Her mother had been the primary babysitter for her son and daughter and would often cook and feed the family as well. Sharon told me that morning that she wanted to go back to school to get her LPN so she could become a hospice nurse.
I have kept in touch with Sharon since my mother passed away in September. I was so pleased to hear that, even though this has been the most challenging year of her life, she has enrolled in an online LPN program. She admits that it is a stressful year for her family, juggling online learning for both her children who are learning at home due to covid-19, and online classes for herself while still holding down her job as a caregiver. And, of course, she and her family are feeling deeply the loss of her mother.
My family and I are so grateful for these four women, as well as the many others who gave so much to care for our precious mother in the last year of her life. Please take a moment today and thank the caregivers in your life.
*name has been changed